La Moretta

About boys

I realize that I often write about why I want a little girl and appear to be underselling my desire to have a boy. Well, nothing could be further from the truth. Here are a few things that I like about little boys:

• From about 4-8, their sense of humor is what I have described as "absinthe-crazy." They are lunatics, and I can honestly say that some of the times that I have laughed the most have been with little boys.    

• They make you raise your game, creativity-wise, and be a lot more flexible about the things they find funny. I remember when my six-year-old nephew returned from a 2-year stay in Sicily to find that I had gotten a dog. He looked at me and said, "Have you ever seen them have sex? Their face is like this." (making a very accurate expression). I have to say I was open-mouth stunned at that one, and he all of sudden realized that maybe that was inappropriate to tell me. Then we both laughed wildly.

• They are very impressed by things that women think are merely functional. For example, bunk beds and pull-out beds seem to impress a lot of them.

• They love physical comedy.

• They love puns.

• They are relatively uncomplicated -- most of them, anyway.

• They really want to be good people and they are proud when you praise them for being good. It's very sweet and honorable.

• They do insane, absolutely unpredictable things. Mothers of boys between eight and fourteen tell me that they can't even BEGIN to predict what their sons will do, and that it makes it very hard to warn them in advance -- for example, one of the many dangerous things my husband used to do with his brothers when he was a kid is play football on the roof. What mother can anticipate that?

So there you go.

Sweet Vanessa

About a week ago, my nephew came over with a little friend of his. Her name is Vanessa and she is about six years old. Vanessa is about 3/4 Chilean and 1/4 Japanese, a combination that created an exquisitely beautiful, sweet-faced child. In addition, she is mild-mannered, dreamy and very gentle with the dogs. Chowder, who normally only tolerates children, adored her.

It is encounters like this that reaffirm my desire to adopt a boy and a girl, even though we hippies are told that wanting a girl is bad.

BUT...

As my sister pointed out, the laws of karma make it highly unlikely that I would end up with a soft-spoken little enchantress of a daughter. As my mom never tires of pointing out, I was not an enchanting child -- I was a reclusive bookworm with a lot of unusual ideas, and my sister was absolutely fearless and frank from the moment she started speaking. So it's more likely that I'd end up with a daughter just like my mom -- very conscious of appearances and a bit of a hothouse flower.

(I've already seen this type of karma in action -- my sister's youngest son is a lot like I was at his age -- very angry if people dismissed his ideas because of his age, and resentful of being called cute if he said something precocious. Fortunately, she can make him laugh by telling him stories about me seething because I had been given the children's menu at a restaurant.)

Also, I'm sure it would get boring having an angelic, smiling, agreeable, mild-mannered, easy-to-get-along-with daughter with eyes full of daydreams. Who would want that? 

Grownups have to do things they don't like

One of the things about escaping the corporate life is that I vowed to do what I want, for whomever I chose, and not to do what I really don't want to do. This was because I spent so much time doing things that were soul-insulting or pointless. To illustrate, I wore flip-flops every day for the first year, even in winter.

Meetings and presentations were one of these things -- time-consuming, tiring, awkward. I dodged a bullet last time and avoided going to a meeting to present my research results. This time, though, they want me there. And I need to be there.

I could whine about it to myself, but instead I'm just going to prepare and go and not try to worm my way out of it. I think the big thing is looking at what I dread and addressing each issue.

1. Getting there in the morning -- I am not a morning person.

Solution: Maybe spend the night. Plan out route in advance. Go on auto-pilot in AM.

2. Getting fluffed up -- I am the queen of spilling things, accidentally ending up with lipstick on my nose, etc.

Solution: Get manicure and blow-out. Make a checklist, make sure there are no loose threads, etc. Drink coffee carefully -- maybe through a straw?

3. Making small talk. Yuck.

Solution: Let others do more of that. Comment on the area they are located in. Weather. Look into local sports teams (they are in Connecticut). 

4. Remembering names.

Solution: Remember that you are dealing with human beings who deserve your acknowledgment. There is no such thing as a suit, or even a silverback, in real life. Do that thing with the business cards where you put them so you can remember who is sitting where.

You'll notice that one thing is distinctly not there -- fear of public speaking. That's because, irony of ironies, I am a very good public speaker on my areas of expertise -- authoritative and clear. And a long time ago I realized that all of this is meaningless -- it's just a game, and I simply don't care if I win it. I also see my role as educating (helping), not baring my soul (which I understand is the root of the fear of public speaking). It's very strange, but I am more afraid of the little girl in The Ring than I am of public speaking.

Adopting means no more being a big baby about some things. I must strike a balance between feeling compelled to do things and choosing to do them. So to this meeting I shall go, like a grown-up.

I feel better already.

Everyday monsters

A funny Onion headline(Typo In Proposition 8 Defines Marriage As Between 'One Man And One Wolfman') reminded me how far we need to go in becoming more tolerant, and how we have neglected the interests of so many.

I have been disappointed in this area. I recently received a poorly-typed notice telling me that I would be receiving a complimentary subscription to Working Mothra. Imagine my disappointment when the first copy arrived and I found absolutely nothing relevant. 

Fortunately I have been able to locate a few images from the real publication, which are below:

 

Above: Photo from article entitled "A Busy Mothra's Guide to Business Travel."

 

Above: Photo from "Apt Pupa: Homeschooling with a Full-Time Job"

 

Above: "Hedora-ble Fashion Looks for Pennies"

 

Above: "Faced with Mega-Laundry on the Weekend?  Ways to Make it a Family Affair."

Oof. It's probably Battra if I stop now.

Finger puppets, fashion, philosophy, gifts, parenting

One of my friends told me that it's a trend among friends in her under-six-year-old son's circle that people put a finger puppet on top of the gift, like a little add-on. Amy didn't mind the extra expense, but following her son's birthday he demanded that she act out little original plays with the finger puppets he had received on his presents. This was quite exhausting for her.

That is why for Christmas a few years back I sent her a set of "great philosophers" finger puppets -- I figured she needed a challenge.

If only I had known about these, which I heard about via Jezebel (images after the jump):